Who Is On Your Tree?
Sitting here, on the eve of the publication of my next book[1], holding the final proof-copy in my hands, I can count over 235 references in the footnotes. All the people whose shoulders I climbed on, plus even more unnamed ones, woven into the fabric of the narrative of my life. People whose influence I clumsily hope to extend into the world in some small meaningful way. If what I write provides some faltering shoulders for others to then climb on and extend these inadequate thoughts further and more clearly into the world, then I will feel very gratified.
Yesterday I was reminded of the same thought in an interview between Francis Weller and Brian James[2]where they recalled James Hillman’s phrase, “Who’s on your tree?” Our tree (our life) isn’t our life at all. It is the summation of countless lives that have shaped us in some small or great way.
The phrase was an encouragement to me in two ways.
The first was to consciously name and celebrate everyone who has shaped me.
The second was to listen to the thread, or stream, of these influences in helping me to get more intentional about where to look for even more help to keep my life growing and realising its potential; to navigate the road ahead without giving way to the fear which pulls more strongly and subtly in these aging years. Who feeds your soul? Who guides you? Who gives you wisdom and perspective? Who opens up your heart? Who gives you courage? Who inspires you when the road is looking dark or dry and dusty, or hidden? Who touches your deepest visons, dreams and values?
These people are your lineage and your tribe. Your ballast and your guides. These are the ones who can help us to fulfil our own genius and destiny, with our one unique life.
I found it helpful to list them under three headings.
§ Know: Those who I personally knew and know. I met them.
§ Help: Those ‘professionals’ who have helped me in the deep work of my journey. The coaches, mentors, elders, therapist, spiritual directors, healers etc.
§ Read: Those who I have and continue to read, who inspire me to think new thoughts about myself, my relationships and my perspectives and place in the world.
Honour them, even if it’s just memories of what they gave you. But also seek them out again, listen to them. Invest in them, so they can keep on investing in us.
One precious, brief life. One tree filled with the countless lives perched on our roots and branches.
It is easy to give a quick nod to what I’m suggesting. “Oh yea. Them. Yea, I get it. I see them”. But I want to encourage all of us to not just glance and glimpse them, but to consciously get a piece of paper, or our journal and write their names down. You won’t remember them all in one siting, so keep the page on the side somewhere handy and as other names or memories come to mind, write them down too. Move these people from a glance or a nod, onto our tree. I can glance at an apple and say, “Hey, that an apple. I recognise you”. But the nourishment comes from actively sucking the juice from the fruit that out tribe, our lineage, gives us going forwards. Who were these people and how did they enrich you?
Let me know how you get on and how it enriches you. I’d love to know.
[1] “A Tap On The Shoulder – How life is calling you to get elder, not just older” (pub May 1st 2026 on Amazon)
[2] Howl in the Wildness podcast Sept 2025